“I have confidence in myself”… or so I thought…! Repetitively in my life, I asked myself deep questions, reflected on my values and what I stand for. Self-confidence was always one of them. I was pretty confident I had that one down (obviously!), meaning living by it… or so I thought!
To my big surprise, this so called value, which seems like a “good” deep value was for me a value to protect myself, a value based on fear. They seem very “honourable” at a first glance but when you dig deeper, they are there because we fear something, in my case it was rejection. I was like a Happy Bulldozer moving though opportunities, challenges, and projects with “ease” – or so people thought.
When a value is driven by fear, it is not inspiring. Your actions reflect it. You might become stressed, resentful or angry if you are not honouring your value. Decisions are taken (rather than choices) which causes us to react. I wanted to prove to others I could do this and that I was the person of the situation. The only way to get out of it is either to hit your wall or realize where you are coming from, admit it, accept it and move on! For me, it was a big brick wall…
On the other hand, we have conscious based values. They are values which allow us to naturally inspire and empower others just by being who we truly are. They drive us to accomplish great things. Situations or events that would get your attention with a fear base value will become completely irrelevant when choosing or living by conscious base values. You are not challenged by others as you don’t have catabolic (destructive) energy around people, situations and events. Things just don’t affect you anymore.
Having destroyed my brick wall, admitted it to myself, and accepted it, I am now proud to say that my self-confidence is still a core value of mine but now comes from a conscious place which allows me to stand in my own power!!! Woo! Hoo!