I ‘ve been in the coaching business all my life (like all of us! 🙂 ) but in the past 3 years, I’ve taken it to the next level by opening my own ICF accredited coaching school. One basic skill we teach new students is to acknowledge and validate their clients as often as they can. It’s a very basic skill and very powerful at the same time. Why so powerful?
Just think of a time when all you wanted to do is complain, complain and complain. It could be because of a project that you’ve worked really hard on was rejected by your boss (or spouse!). Nothing could stop you from wanting to complain. All day (and even more then 1 day) this event is playing in the back of your mind sucking all your precious energy. How can you let go? You feel like everyone you speak with does not understand you…
Until someone actually listens to what you have to say. They listen for what is not said, the intention and feeling behind the spoken words and then say something like: “Considering you’ve put your heart and soul in this project and then it’s being rejected, it’s normal for you to feel angry, disappointed and not good enough; many people in your situation would feel that way.”
Magic! You finally feel like someone gets you!!! You are able to feel normal again and release the negative energy that was holding you back! You can now have a different perspective on the situation and move on!!!
So here is the tip: when acknowledging and validating someone, always acknowledge the situation/event or circumstance, validate the emotion and normalize it. One big thing to remember is to leave the “I” out of your sentence (I understand…) as you really don’t understand! You are not the other person with their own feelings and emotions!
Go and acknowledge and validate someone today, your spouse (they’ll wonder what is going on!!! LOL!), your child, employee or clients and see the impact!